Gifting Confusion

My husband I were talking about gift giving the other day. We noticed how people mistakenly give things that the gift giver values but not the gift recipient. Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, right? Well with the holidays rolling around, try not to give your husband a Venus-y gift or give your wife a Martian gift.


This problem goes beyond the holidays or birthdays or whatever. My husband told me about an article that said men tend to give their wives hard neck massages while wives tend to give their husbands light feathery back scratches. In marriage, we have to learn what our spouse wants. My husband likes hard neck massages. He gives me feather light back rubs. Maybe your relationship is opposite which is why it's important to openly communicate what you like.

Focus on positives. Instead of "I hate when you dig your knuckles into my spine", use "I like when you lightly rub my neck". This goes for the holidays too. When your husband asks what you would like for a present, avoid "I'll tell you what I don't want! I don't want another stinking candle!" (hahaa). Try a useful suggestion.

This ties into John Gottman's golden ratio of 5 positives to every negative. Gottman's research showed that marriages that had this golden ratio were less likely to divorce. Work on that! Work on making sure you give your spouse 5 negatives (or more, of course!) to every one negative. That may mean you'll need to list off 5 compliments if you have a critique.