Oh man....I love John Gottman. He's great! He's famous for: the magic relationship ration (5 positives to 1 negative), the four horsemen of the apocalypse (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling), love maps, and other amazing marital research and helpful knowledge.
In this blog, I'm going to explore more about Gottman's theories and research. Right now I'm going to highlight the magic relationship ratio. Here is a youtube video where you can hear the man himself explaining it: John Gottman's magic relationship ratio video.
What is fascinating about Gottman's research is that his negative behaviors (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling) predict an early divorce WHERE AS the lack of positive interactions predict a later divorce.
What to take from this: focus on active positive interactions.
A couple that doesn't fight can still be weak if there are no positive exchanges.
Fights happen. Try to outweigh the positives from the negatives (wait till after you've calmed down if you need to).
Ways to increase positive interactions in your relationship: compliments, acts of service, saying "I love you", learning your partner's love language and using it, always say "thank you" and "I'm sorry". Every couple is different and every couple has a different way of expressing affection. Learn what yours is and work it out!
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