This is a fun song about marriage
Greg Brown: Marriage Chant
Here are the lyrics:
marriage is impossible marriage is dull
your dance card is empty your plate is too full
it's something no sensible person would do
i wish i was married i wish I was married
i wish i was married to you
marriage is unnatural marriage is hard
you rotate your tires you work in the yard
you fight about nothing every hour or two
i wish i was married i wish i was married
i wish i was married to you
the children throw fits in airports & such
they projectile vomit on aunt ruthie at lunch
& your in-laws know just what you should do
but i wish i was married i wish i was married
i wish i was married to you
i'd like to fix you my special broth when you're sick
i'd like to fight with you when you're bein' real thick
there is no end to what i would like to do
i wish i was married i wish i was married
i wish i was married to you
i like the roll in rock & roll
& all i know is you're the sister of my soul
& we make a circle just we two
& i wish i was married i wish i was married
i wish i was married to you
the sky unpredictable mysterious the sea
do we wish most for what never can be
it never can be i guess that's true
but i wish i was married i wish i was married
i wish i was uh huh huh to you
the grass is always greener is what they say to me
if I was your husband maybe I'd agree
i like brown grass & vows that stay true
& i wish i was married i wish i was married
i wish i was married to you to you to you mmhmm to you
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Date Night!
This is my first date night post! woohoo! So the idea for this date night is to build your knowledge of your spouse.
Activity options:
Activity options:
- take the 5 love languages test
- take the color code test (Andrew and I love talking about our personality colors)
- build a love map
Here is a link for the color code test: Color Code test
A love map is your construct and knowledge of your partner/spouse. You build a love map by asking lots of questions. This website has a lot of good suggestions: Love Map website
These suggestions include asking about family, friends, work, hobbies, dreams, favorites, and feelings. You can come up with any question you like. What have you wanted to know about this person you're living with!
The most important thing is that you practice great listening skills. Try to not interrupt, finish sentences, compete with your own stories, undermine, quickly change subjects, etc. Let your partner loose and enjoy listening to them! Gather your information and learn learn learn.
Andrew and I took the color code test. I am half red/half blue and Andrew is one hundred percent white. Knowing this has helped us understand each other. I get confused when he says he really doesn't care what we eat for dinner and sometimes he gets confused when I demand we make cookies for some friend of ours. This knowledge is a fun way to learn more about each other!
Gottman's 7 Principles
John Gottman has given 7 principles to a healthy marriage. Before I go into more detail about one of these principles, I thought I would introduce them first. Here they are!
1. Enhance your love maps- know the little details about your spouse
2. Nurture your fondness and admiration- choose to think of your spouse positively and appreciate all the things they do for you
3. Turn towards each other instead of away- support each other in your struggles and go to your spouse for help
4. Let your partner influence you- you're forming a new life together and one person cannot dominate another. Incorporate parts of both of your lives to make new one.
5. Solve your solvable problems- be kind and forgiving while dealing with conflicts
6. Overcome gridlock- start talking and sharing your thoughts and needs
7. Create shared meaning- form your new life together!
Here is more information if you'd like to read more:
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/01/08/7-research-based-principles-for-making-marriage-work/
http://www.wisewives.org/blog/2012/04/05/34-elshiwick-on-gottman-seven-principles-for-making-marriage-work
Please leave a comment if you have a question or a personal testimony!
1. Enhance your love maps- know the little details about your spouse
2. Nurture your fondness and admiration- choose to think of your spouse positively and appreciate all the things they do for you
3. Turn towards each other instead of away- support each other in your struggles and go to your spouse for help
4. Let your partner influence you- you're forming a new life together and one person cannot dominate another. Incorporate parts of both of your lives to make new one.
5. Solve your solvable problems- be kind and forgiving while dealing with conflicts
6. Overcome gridlock- start talking and sharing your thoughts and needs
7. Create shared meaning- form your new life together!
Here is more information if you'd like to read more:
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/01/08/7-research-based-principles-for-making-marriage-work/
http://www.wisewives.org/blog/2012/04/05/34-elshiwick-on-gottman-seven-principles-for-making-marriage-work
Please leave a comment if you have a question or a personal testimony!
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
The 5 Love Languages
Most people are familiar with the love languages. I thought I would just dedicate a quick post to them for fun! There are tons of love language tests online and they don't seem all that reliable, valid, or accurate. If you already know you're love language then that's great!
Here they are:
1. Physical touch
2. Words of affirmation
3. Receiving gifts
4. Quality time
5. Acts of service
I'll provide this quiz for you. The 5 Love Languages Test. I picked it because I thought the website was pretty haha! If you'd like to explore more test options, just search "5 Love Languages test" and you'll have a ton to choose from!
Knowing you and your partner's love language will be really helpful to understand each other. Maybe your husband appreciates back rubs and you appreciate when he tells you he loves you.
My husband and I took the quiz. My first love language is physical touch and my second is words of affirmation. We lucked out! My husband, Andrew, has the same! We love to give each other foot rubs and constantly say "I love you" and "thank you" and "you're the best". :) Being a newlywed is the best haha!
What is your and your partner's love language? Challenge!!! Find out!
Here they are:
1. Physical touch
2. Words of affirmation
3. Receiving gifts
4. Quality time
5. Acts of service
I'll provide this quiz for you. The 5 Love Languages Test. I picked it because I thought the website was pretty haha! If you'd like to explore more test options, just search "5 Love Languages test" and you'll have a ton to choose from!
Knowing you and your partner's love language will be really helpful to understand each other. Maybe your husband appreciates back rubs and you appreciate when he tells you he loves you.
My husband and I took the quiz. My first love language is physical touch and my second is words of affirmation. We lucked out! My husband, Andrew, has the same! We love to give each other foot rubs and constantly say "I love you" and "thank you" and "you're the best". :) Being a newlywed is the best haha!
What is your and your partner's love language? Challenge!!! Find out!
The Magic Relationship Ratio
Oh man....I love John Gottman. He's great! He's famous for: the magic relationship ration (5 positives to 1 negative), the four horsemen of the apocalypse (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling), love maps, and other amazing marital research and helpful knowledge.
In this blog, I'm going to explore more about Gottman's theories and research. Right now I'm going to highlight the magic relationship ratio. Here is a youtube video where you can hear the man himself explaining it: John Gottman's magic relationship ratio video.
What is fascinating about Gottman's research is that his negative behaviors (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling) predict an early divorce WHERE AS the lack of positive interactions predict a later divorce.
What to take from this: focus on active positive interactions.
A couple that doesn't fight can still be weak if there are no positive exchanges.
Fights happen. Try to outweigh the positives from the negatives (wait till after you've calmed down if you need to).
Ways to increase positive interactions in your relationship: compliments, acts of service, saying "I love you", learning your partner's love language and using it, always say "thank you" and "I'm sorry". Every couple is different and every couple has a different way of expressing affection. Learn what yours is and work it out!
In this blog, I'm going to explore more about Gottman's theories and research. Right now I'm going to highlight the magic relationship ratio. Here is a youtube video where you can hear the man himself explaining it: John Gottman's magic relationship ratio video.
What is fascinating about Gottman's research is that his negative behaviors (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling) predict an early divorce WHERE AS the lack of positive interactions predict a later divorce.
What to take from this: focus on active positive interactions.
A couple that doesn't fight can still be weak if there are no positive exchanges.
Fights happen. Try to outweigh the positives from the negatives (wait till after you've calmed down if you need to).
Ways to increase positive interactions in your relationship: compliments, acts of service, saying "I love you", learning your partner's love language and using it, always say "thank you" and "I'm sorry". Every couple is different and every couple has a different way of expressing affection. Learn what yours is and work it out!
Thursday, September 20, 2012
About Me
Hi!
My name is Jessica. I will be graduating with my bachelor's degree in family life in December 2012. This blog is apart of my internship at school. I am going to explore marriage building activities and what not. My goal is to promote John Gottman's magic ratio of FIVE positive interactions for every ONE negative interaction. In that light, we're going to explore married date ideas, marriage challenges, communication exercises, songs on youtube, etc. My aim is to have fun and bring more joy into our lives.
I married Andrew in June 2012. We are spankin' new newlyweds. For that reason, I don't feel like I can give marital advice. Instead of me trying to tell you what to think and do, I'm going to research marriage building activities and try them with you! I'll post ideas and occasionally add my review.
So let's get to work! Marriage is challenging but so rewarding. I'm excited!!
My name is Jessica. I will be graduating with my bachelor's degree in family life in December 2012. This blog is apart of my internship at school. I am going to explore marriage building activities and what not. My goal is to promote John Gottman's magic ratio of FIVE positive interactions for every ONE negative interaction. In that light, we're going to explore married date ideas, marriage challenges, communication exercises, songs on youtube, etc. My aim is to have fun and bring more joy into our lives.
I married Andrew in June 2012. We are spankin' new newlyweds. For that reason, I don't feel like I can give marital advice. Instead of me trying to tell you what to think and do, I'm going to research marriage building activities and try them with you! I'll post ideas and occasionally add my review.
So let's get to work! Marriage is challenging but so rewarding. I'm excited!!
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